Do you take it or not? – E12

Who is this gift for? Are you the giver or are you the receiver? What happens when you are both at the same time?

Welcome to my 12^th episode of  “8 Minutes to Success”.

Listen to “12 – Do you take it or not?” on Spreaker.

Transcript

Who is this gift for? Are you the giver or are you the receiver? What happens when you are both at the same time? Welcome to my 12^th episode of  “8 Minutes to Success”.

This is the podcast 8 Minutes to Success. I’m Kinga Panufnik and I invite you to spend the next 8 minutes with me.

On my way to success I’ve learnt a lot from others. That is why I’ d like to share my personal experience with you.

Welcome.

One day I was in trouble because for long time I’d been without a car. My previous one – family station wagon – had broken down completely. For some time I was renting one but this was only a temporary situation. I wanted to buy a new one. I chose a middle-range car, so as not to show-off. It wasn’t a matter of money. It was about being modest. I paid a deposit and I was waiting for it to come. So I was waiting, and waiting. But things become complicated and the car dealer didn’t behave professionally so after many months of waiting I still had no car. Happily I got my deposit back.

Then my close friend urged me to test drive two particular models of different brands. He actually gave me the task of doing it, but only those two. They were of a higher range than I was planning to buy. I took a test drive just to satisfy my friend because I was glad that he was helping me with my problem. But I really wasn’t planning to buy either of them. I just didn’t believe I could have such a car. But somewhere inside me there was a desire to have one of them – a kind of dream – especially because it  had been such a pleasure to drive them. On the other hand I felt I should stay modest because it is so noble to be like that. When I started explaining to my friend why I wasn’t going to buy one of them, he looked deep into my eyes and asked me: “Don’t you deserve it?”

I bought one of these cars and I know how long it took to get what I wanted, and to allow myself the pleasure of receiving. And many times I had to repeat my friend’s words: Yes. I deserve it. I realized I was giving so much to others and not taking anything for myself.

I’ve also heard of a nice parallel. In a plane, during an emergency situation when oxygen masks fall down, an adult needs to put on their mask first and then put a mask on their child. You first. So take care of yourself first because if you are strong, healthy, and happy you can give so much to others. To your family, to your friends, or to your employer. It happens very often though that we dedicate ourselves to making others happy at the expense of ourselves. So remember, you first, like on a plane.

When we call somebody “an egoist” it creates a negative impression of them. But inside us there must be an egotistical approach which allows us to survive. It doesn’t mean you have to be a bastard in your life, it means that you should take care of yourself and don’t wait for anybody else to take care of you. Some people are waiting their whole lives and at the end of their lives they realize that they should have taken care of themselves – if they are an adult. Because if you take care of yourself you are strong enough to take care of those around you.

Healthy egotism starts when you become an adult. When we are children we expect to be looked after by adults. This switch happens, this transformation comes when we realize that instead of waiting to be given something (like a child does) we are ready to take things for ourselves. Isn’t this maturity? It is a great pleasure to feel this, no matter how old you are. I know many, many people who were able to achieve this in their forties. Not expecting anything from others makes people feel free. Give to others like an adult, without expectations.

Once, I heard a very wise sentence that giving and getting is the same. Because a person who takes something from us at the same time, gives us a lot and thanks to this we also receive something.

And a challenge for you for next week.

Imagine that you are preparing a gorgeous gift for a person who is very close to you. For somebody you want to thank. It was very hardwork to prepare this, but you did it and you feel happy about it. You wrapped it in nice, shiny paper and tied a perfectly matched ribbon. You are happy for the moment of giving to come. And when you give it to the person they say they can’t take it. Whatever the reason they simply refuse the gift.

How do you feel? Can you imagine it? Who is the giver now? You or them? Can you feel that a real exchange has happened during this process? What were you expecting? Would it be enough for you simply to hear the words: “thank you”?

This is an exchange, this never goes only one way. Gratitude is a huge gift that we usually offer when we receive things. And this is enough. So to get a gift from somebody and to say “thank you” is to bestow a great gift in exchange.

If you are both – a giver and a receiver – do it as much as you can, be generous, give something with a smile and stop feeling guilty that it is too expensive or it takes too much time.

Be your own Santa and receive with both gratitude and happiness gifts from yourself and from the outside world.

That’s all for today. See you next time.

Bye, Bye.

This was 8 Minutes to Success. If I’ve left you wanting more that’s great. It’s much healthier to stay a little hungry rather than eat too much and feel sick. I hope you will listen to my next episode. To avoid missing any I recommend that you sign up for the newsletter on my website www.8minutestosuccess.com and the next episode will be sent to your email straight from the production line. Don’t be afraid I won’t be bringing this out every day. Don’t forget to subscribe. Would also be nice to get some comments from you and if you feel it’s worthy you can share it with your friends.

Take care. Bye, bye.